It seems the twenty-something young women in America are all very confused about what an orgasm is, what it feels like, and how to have one.

I believe a big part of this problem is due to watching porn where professionals either fake an orgasm or they are skilled practitioners of all things sexual. Or we expect sex to be like in the movies where the man gets on top and in a short period of time, the woman comes. Also these same pre-orgasmic young women didn't get any decent sex education in high school and by the time they reached college, the Vagina Monologs that played every year misnamed a woman's sex organ. Young women and men continue to believe that a penis inside a vagina should be enough for her to enjoy an orgasm. And since we have come up with a G spot- that proves it, yes? Well, no! Not exactly!

Only a handful of women respond to G spot stimulation. However, all of the women's magazines and sex stores continue to promote the concept that there is a hot spot inside the vagina- if only we could find it. While it's true that some women love g-spot toys and they female ejaculate from brisk stimulation on the ceiling of their vagina, I repeat- they are in the minority. And remember, there are also a small number of women who orgasm from a man's penis thrusting deep into her vagina contacting the pudendal nerve that originates in the sacral region of the spinal cord, extends through the pelvic region and connects all the nerves to the external genitals of both sexes, as well as the sphincters for the bladder and the rectum.

I get several questions a day from young women in their early twenties trying desperately to have a BIG O. If a young girl developed her sexuality naturally, she would have masturbated throughout her entire childhood without guilt or shame and would more easily experience orgasm. Women who are late masturbators need to slow down and not expect fireworks from a big O like the fourth of July! Orgasms often start small and grow over time, especially when a woman is new to sex with herself or a partner.

It's both a blessing and a curse that we have access to so much sex information online. A lot of it is based on exaggerated romantic images or just plain old misinformation. Dr. Freud would tell us to leave our immature clitoris alone and learn to come with vaginal stimulation. Many decades' later feminists brought back the clitoris and put it in its rightful primary place. But now we have G, C and D spots inside the vagina to further confuse us. And while a vibrator can be a girl's best friend, it must be used based upon some information such as; keep moving it around, avoid direct contact with the clitoral glans, avoid pressing down harder to get more sensation. So many young women today are brutalizing their sweet vulvas by using a vibrator like it's a jack hammer while demanding results! No wonder our clits complain and refuse to respond. Like I've said many times- back off of your obsessive orgasm quest for a while and just enjoy the good feelings that you do experience.

Meanwhile, the most important information I can offer every young woman is to never touch your clitoris without using plenty of massage oil. That includes your fingers, vibrators, and your boyfriend's fingers. He probably thinks a little spit will do the job. NO!!!! Get my Almond massage oil or some other nut oil like apricot, avocado or sesame seed oil. Keep your delicate clitoral glans covered in oil so you can continue for hours once you get a good groove going. A vibrator never gets tired nor does it have a refractory period.

Chances are good that some of these young women are already having small orgasms and cannot identify them. I'm speculating that many have over-researched and consumed far too much sex information. They have gradually built up unrealistic ideas of what an orgasm will feel like. Many of my recent clients are in this space- smart and motivated women in their early twenties who DESPERATELY want to know the ecstasy of orgasm! They need to begin small and over time grow their orgasms to gradually become more intense. Large or small, all orgasms feel good. There is no "there" to reach. Just keep going until you are exhausted which can take up to several hours. Who spends that kind of time giving sexual pleasure to your self?

Many women have been limiting their sexual buildup and response to match a boyfriend who can come within 3 to 5 minutes and feel completely satisfied. Women need much more time than several minutes. In fact, once we get turned on, we can become bottomless pits of sexual pleasure with innumerable orgasms available to us.
My last client was 23 and convinced she wasn't having orgasms. She had her first orgasm when she was 15 and described it as "mind blowing." However nothing like that had ever happened since then. That was a primal moment and they can never be repeated. I've heard this so many times before. She was with a kid who wasn't her "special" boyfriend. They just started fooling around and ended up doing manual sex when suddenly, she had this fabulous climax that made her tremble from her head to toe with after shocks of pleasure that continued for some time. There is a lot of freedom in being sexually intimate with someone you "like" but do not "love." When we are "in love" that usually means we have way too much invested in the outcome of every sex act. When it comes to romantic love, we are only as good as our last orgasm!

During her session I observed her body go through all the autonomic moves I've learned to identify with orgasm. However, after the first one she slid right on by it and kept going. So in her mind, there was no orgasm because she expected a distinct "release" followed by complete relaxation. This was similar to how her lover came and then collapsed totally satisfied. Using all 6 of the vibrators I offer a client during a session, she continued masturbating for 3 hours with many orgasms and was still capable of going longer. In fact she did. When she got home, she did more vibrating to show her boyfriend what she'd learned. He wasn't put off by this display of abundant female sexual energy. In fact he loved it too.

The clitoris is a woman's primary sex organ for her orgasms from all of these different sources of direct, indirect, and stimulation of the mind. While a handful can get off with indirect clitoral contact, the rest of us will want the Combination Orgasm which is a more direct form of clitoral contact with vaginal or anal penetration with our partner or a dildo.

For every young or older woman struggling to find her Big O, I suggest she forget about orgasm for a while and simply enjoy the good feelings she has during masturbation and sex with a partner. Empty her mind of expectations and stay inside her body. Even if they have been masturbating since an early age, or later on in their teens and even in the twenties, orgasms often start off small and then gradually grow like a plant over time. To grow your orgasms, simply upgrade your masturbation skills by adding different toys, dildos and combinations. Follow my suggestions in First Time Orgasm. Read it more than once and practice, practice, practice. Do not judge. Just feel the sensations. Let go of expectations. Keep an open mind. Instead of "thinking" about how close you are to coming or if you will come, tell yourself a sexy story to occupy your mind with sexual thoughts-then smile, don't frown or fret.

Sex toys are a boon for adult human sexuality. They are not crutches, or a substitute for anything and they are here to stay. So stop worrying about getting hooked on a vibrator and not being able to come using your fingers so HE can use his fingers and GIVE you a climax. We all need to realize that we each are responsible for our own orgasms. Believe me, if you ever got stranded on an island without electric current or no source for batteries, by the end of the year you would be coming by your own hand. Big deal!!! Meanwhile enjoy technology as it enhances our lives. Adult toys are not just i-phones, i-pads and laptops. We have vibrators, dildos, butt-plugs, tit clamps, strap-ons and much more. Instead of passing judgment enjoy yourself instead.

Remember, sex and orgasms are not about proving you are a virile man or a desirable woman- it's about adult play, so have some fun!

Vulvodynia vulvar pain is the word for pain in the vulva. The pain is usually described as a burning, stinging, itching, irritating or a raw feeling. Vulvodynia is more common in white women. It’s rare in women of other races. Vulvodynia is different from itching or vulvar pruritus. Vulvodynia actually precludes itching because the burning and pain cause an intolerance to scratching. This condition is a cause of vulval burning and soreness usually as a consequence of irritation or hypersensitivity of the nerve fibres in the vulval skin. The condition is one of exclusion and the diseases listed in the differential diagnosis need to be considered. The pain may be generalized or localized in the vulvar region. Burning sensations are the most common, but the type and severity of symptoms are highly individualized. In most women with the condition the appearance of the vulva is normal since the problem lies with the nerve fibres, which can’t be seen. Although the pain may be felt inside the the problem is actually on the outside. It can also make you upset or depressed. It might even cause problems in your relationship with your spouse or partner.

Some cases of vulvodynia may be due to compression or disease of the pudendal nerve, one of the main nerves that relays sensation to and from the genitals. There are several reasons vulvodynia may be underreported. In most cases, the vulvar pain then becomes a chronic problem varying in length from months to years. It may be partly due to the absence of visible signs of vulvodynia. Or it could be the reluctance of many women to talk about their symptoms. It usually starts suddenly and may last for months to years. Although it isn’t life-threatening, the pain may make you cut back on some of your normal activities. Once the rash of shingles has disappeared the area of skin where the rash was can be intensely painful and sore despite the skin appearing normal. The condition is called post-hepatic neuralgia. Most women with vulvodynia have been to many physicians either with inaccurate diagnoses or unsatisfactory treatment.

Causes of Vulvodynia

The common causes and risk factor’s of Vulvodynia include the following:

The actual cause of vulvodynia is unknown; it may be the result of multiple factors.

Frequent yeast infections.

Injury to or irritation of the nerves surrounding your vulvar region.

Chemical irritation of the external genitals (from soaps or detergents in clothing).

Allergies or a localized hypersensitivity of the skin.

Past or present genital warts.

High levels of oxalate crystals in the urine (oxalate is the salt of oxalic acid, which is a powder that comes from certain plants such as spinach); the crystals get lodged in the vulvar tissue, causing pain.

Symptoms of Vulvodynia

Some symptoms related to Vulvodynia are as follows:

Pain occurs in the vulva.

Severe point tenderness on touch (positive cotton swab test), and erythema.

Burning, stinging, irritation, aching or rawness of the genital area.

The pain may also be felt around the urethra, the back passage, the tops of the legs and the inner thighs.

Vulvar tissue may look minimally inflamed or swollen.

Treatment of Vulvodynia

Here is list of the methods for treating Vulvodynia:

Using medications such as lidocaine can provide temporary relief from the pain.

Taking the drug amitriptyline (most commonly used as an anti-depressant but also used to treat pain) has been found to be the most effective treatment for vulvodynia.

Biofeedback therapy can help reduce pain by teaching you how to control specific body responses.

Some types of vulvar pain get better with creams or pills made to treat yeast infections.

Other treatments that may help include interferon injections or laser therapy.

Surgery is an option for some women only when other treatments do not produce satisfactory relief. There are two types of surgery available: scalpel and laser.